Let us help you break that resolution be you make it.

Despair, Inc writes the best marketing copy. No wonder I purchase their wall calendars every year.

2013 was, by most people’s estimations, a total bust. The sort of thing my Mom used to call, “One great big walking, talking, non-stop series of disappointments and letdowns” (although, in her case, she was referring to me. Long story. Really funny. Not the time…)

If you’re wondering WHY 2013 left you feeling like you’d be beaten up, robbed, then presented an itemized bill for your pains, well, I’ve got one word.

"Expectations."

You had some. And it’s just now, at the end of yet another miserable year, that you’re beginning to question the wisdom of that particularly strategy, since it’s pretty much failed you non-stop since the Year 2000, the year you realized, to your outright shock, that you’re actually not a world-class stock picker, that you majored in something that not only pays poorly and makes you hate a subject you formerly loved, but also will soon by done by robots or Chinese peasants. Among other revelations.

So now, at the end of an epically crummy year, lucidity once again threatens to emerge, turning you into the full-fledged cynic and pessimist you so desperately need to be to break out of this horrible cycle of dumb.

But very soon, you’ll find yourself surrounded by happy-go-luckies and hope junkies, all talking themselves into New Year’s Resolutions. Losing weight. Getting a better job. Finding love. And other endeavors doomed to failure.

Let us help. We’ve got just the products you need to fight these self-destructive impulses all year long. And, in the spirit of the season (i.e. feigned goodwill motivated by avarice), we’re offering discounts on our best tools for fighting New Year’s Resolution Syndrome.

First up, the daily calendar that gives you a reason to despair every single day of the year! You can get either version of our tear-off calendar, “The Pessimist” for 40% off when you use the code “iresolvenottoresolve” on any order of $15 or more.

You can also save 40% on our 2014 Wall Calendars on any order of $15 or more. It’s our most despair-packed Demotivator calendar EVER- with over 100 depressing historical dates AND four free additional prints inside! Just use the coupon code “thewall”.

You can also save 50% on Demotivator Posters on an order of $15 or more: Just use the code “ifthesewallscouldcry”.

Yes, we have a lot of other products that might help you resist the siren song of optimism— but we’re having to resupply after the holiday season, so stocks are too low to offer discounting at the moment. We’ll get around to it eventually.

Meanwhile, we do truly hope your 2014 is better than your 2013 was! (It is, after all, theoretically possible. Just like it was theoretically possible I’d be popular in high school, go to an Ivy League School, end up becoming a neurosurgeon and totally be the pride of the family. I don’t have to tell you how that turned out.)

seananmcguire
tchy:

sourcedumal:

faramon:

ilovemysassysuperman:

itskalynbitch:

notanotherginger:

Those who say the Black Widow’s fighting style is just movie bullshit can see the above. ^ Shit is terrifyingly real. 

I think I’m in love.

She’s so tiny.
But she could kill me.
Great.

^ That

I will reblog this flying head scissors every time it comes on my dash because it’s so fucking awesome.

This is still MY FAVOURITE.

tchy:

sourcedumal:

faramon:

ilovemysassysuperman:

itskalynbitch:

notanotherginger:

Those who say the Black Widow’s fighting style is just movie bullshit can see the above. ^ Shit is terrifyingly real. 

I think I’m in love.

She’s so tiny.

But she could kill me.

Great.

^ That

I will reblog this flying head scissors every time it comes on my dash because it’s so fucking awesome.

This is still MY FAVOURITE.

On this day, 20 years ago, I said, “I do.”

I’m still trying to wrap my head around how I’ve grown old enough to have been married that long. Surely there must be some mistake.

Love got us started and is still going strong, but in of itself, it’s insufficient to reach such a milestone. Marriage takes understanding, tolerance, compromise, and perseverance. The movies often overlook that. Happily ever after takes real effort.

Recent Reads

  • Blackout by Mira Grant
  • Blood Work by Kim Harrison
  • The Kingdoms of Dust by Amanda Downum
  • Ghost Story by Jim Butcher
  • Kitty Steals the Show by Carrie Vaughn
  • Ashes of Honor by Seanan McQuire
  • Soulless by Gail Carriger
  • Claymore Vol. 1: Silver-eyed Slayer, Claymore Vol. 2: Darkness in Paradise, Claymore Vol. 3: Teresa of the Faint Smile, Claymore Vol. 4: Marked For Death, and Claymore Vol. 5: The Slashers by Norihiro Yagi
  • Sixty-One Nails by Mike Shavdon
  • Night Shift, Hunter’s Prayer, Redemption Alley, Flesh Circus, Heaven’s Spite, and Angel Town by Lilith Saintcrow
  • Unholy Ghosts, Unholy Magic, City of Ghosts, and Sacrificial Magic by Stacia Kane
  • Claymore Vol. 6: The Endless Gravestones, Claymore Vol. 7: Fit For Battle, Claymore Vol. 8: The Witch’s Maw, Claymore Vol. 9: The Deep Abyss of Purgatory, Claymore Vol. 10: The Battle of the North, Claymore Vol. 11: Kindred of Paradise, Claymore Vol. 12: The Souls of the Fallen, and Claymore Vol. 13: The Defiant Ones by Norihiro Yagi
  • Boyfriend from Hell by Jamie Quaid
  • A Perfect Blood by Kim Harrison
  • Claymore Vol. 14: A Child Weapon, Claymore Vol. 15: Genesis of War, Claymore Vol. 16: The Lamentation of the Earth, Claymore Vol. 17: The Claws of Memory, Claymore Vol. 18: The Ashes of Lautrec, Claymore Vol. 19: Phantoms in the Heart, Claymore Vol. 20: Remains of the Demon Claw, Claymore Vol. 21: Corpse of the Witch by Norihiro Yagi
for a lifetime of paying dues and ruthless reviews,
yeah it’s hard not to end up a cynic
when everyone’s too scared to walk in your shoes
but can work up the nerve to be critics.
Strata — “Stay Young”
A column of ten World War II Japanese tanks stand as mute sentinels at the head of my driveway. Seriously. I pass by these rusting hulks so frequently, though, it’s easy to forget just how unique a thing they are. (Photo taken 2013-04-24)

A column of ten World War II Japanese tanks stand as mute sentinels at the head of my driveway. Seriously. I pass by these rusting hulks so frequently, though, it’s easy to forget just how unique a thing they are. (Photo taken 2013-04-24)

Recent Reads

"Recent Reads" is perhaps a misnomer. More accurate would be "Books I’ve Read Since The Last List I Posted" since this list has been many months in the making.

  • Rosemary and Rue, A Local Habitation, An Artificial Night, Late Eclipses, and One Salt Sea by Seanan McGuire (The October Daye series)
  • The Enchantment Emporium by Tanya Huff
  • Burned by J. F. Lewis
  • Discount Armageddon by Seanan McGuire
  • Pale Demon by Kim Harrison
  • The Hunger Grames, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
  • Girl Genius: Omnibus Volume One: Agatha Awakens by Phil and Kaja Foglio
  • Blood Oath and The President’s Vampire by Christopher Farnsworth
  • Death’s Daughter, Cat’s Claw, Serpent’s Storm, and How To Be Death by Amber Benson
  • After the Golden Age by Carrie Vaughn
  • Dead to Me by Anton Strout
  • Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente